Dress Like An Adult

One of my nieces recently posed a question on Facebook about how to dress like an adult. I was about her age when I started thinking that my fashion statement of I-don’t-care needed to be replaced with one that said I-am-mature-and-responsible. I’m not sure if she wants the same thing when she says she needs to dress like an adult. I didn’t feel comfortable posing questions or posting lots of cheerful advice. I know she would rather get advice from her peers than her embarrassing, intrusive aunt. This, of course, creates a dilemma for me, because I spent years at trial and lots of error finding my own answer and I’m dying to air my opinions on the subject. Thankfully, I have a blog, where I can write whatever I want without mortifying anyone, but myself -- and maybe Salt, but he has editorial approval privileges.

So for all you twenty-somethings out there who are wondering how to look trustworthy and sophisticated and mainstream, here is my advice:

1. Buy some classic pieces in neutral, solid colors. In case you’re wondering black, white, ivory, grey and tan are neutrals. Here’s the list of pieces you will likely need, though you may decide to skip some of the pieces if they won’t fit into your personal style at all: a wool or polyester-rayon blend two button jacket without embellishments, dress pants in whatever cut works best for your body type, a cardigan sweater, a modest cocktail dress (ideally an LBD), a trench-cut all weather coat, a button front shirt in cotton or cotton-polyester blend, a shell blouse and cold weather gloves in leather or a polyester knit. These items should not be embellished with geometrics, florals and novelty cat patterns, which are best reserved for a few signature pieces, such as blouses or scarves.
2. Buy clothes that fit. Since all young people look alike, i.e. perpetually twelve, we middle-agers surmise the ages of twenty-somethings by whether your clothes fit or not. Too tight or too baggy means you are still in college. To look like you have it together, you should wear your clothes rather than having them wear you.
        Finding the right clothes that fit can be difficult on a budget. You may feel you don’t have enough money to be particular. That's not true; you’re just going to have to look longer and harder for the right thing. The alternative is to have alterations made. Seamstresses don’t always charge as much as one might think and they often have price lists if you inquire in advance.
3. Avoid cotton knits. A lot of classic and classy pieces are imitated for lower cost in cotton or cotton-blend knits. The problem is that no matter how sophisticated a cotton knit dress or pants are cut to look, they still end up looking like one is wearing a sweatsuit. These clothes don’t keep their shape and they fade when washed.
        Cotton knit tunic tops are the sole domain of middle-aged women and people crewing sailboats. Avoid them except when crewing a sail boat or picking up middle-schoolers at soccer practice.
4. Get an iron and use it. Since you probably can’t afford dry cleaning you’ll probably want to limit the number of dry clean only items you have in your wardrobe. Cotton, rayon and linen can be used to make high quality pieces, but they almost always have to be ironed. Since looking responsible is thwarted by looking like you just rolled out of bed, you’ll need to make sure that the natural fiber clothes are neatly pressed. When one first starts out ironing it is tedious and time consuming. Stick with it, you'll get much faster. It's a great way to spend some quiet time or watch a movie.
5. Accessorize like you mean it. While a well matched hand bag won’t get you a bank loan it will affect how people treat you. Fair or not, when a stranger sees you care about your appearance, they automatically know that one person present (that’s you) thinks you should be treated with respect. If you want that vote, you’ll need to go a little beyond just coordinating a basic outfit. Stop and think for a moment before you leave the house. Are you done? Do you need gloves? Could you add a scarf or a hat? Does your handbag coordinate? Do you have earrings on?
        A basic handbag for summer and winter will fit most purposes as will a basic set of gloves. H&M will square you away on inexpensive wool gloves at $13 each or leather gloves at $25 a pair. Though H&M targets itself to the younger set, it is well known among middle aged women as the place to get inexpensive, stylish handbags. (Yes, we're copying you, but you still can't wear our comfy cotton knit tunics.)
        You should have a variety of scarves, e.g. lightweight, colorful, squares for neckerchiefs, narrow for a bit of color tucked around a jacket collar, shawls for throwing over a cotton dress shirt, etc. This often overlooked accessory really impresses people with the idea that one is “dressed up” even when one isn’t. I look everywhere for these, but have found many of my favorites at estate sales.
        Going without earrings is like not finishing a sentence or forgetting an appointment. People may not notice what is missing, but they’ll notice something is wrong. Don’t leave the house without earrings. 
6. Own at least one strand of pearls with matching studs. Pearls deserve to be on the list of classics, but I have quite a bit to say about them. First, costume pearls are fine if your budget is tight. In fact it's worth the ten or twenty dollars to have a faux pearl necklace for everyday use, even if you own real pearls. Most people won’t be able to see the difference between real and artificial pearls anyway. Second, no one will judge you for having irregular -- poor quality-- pearls, as they can be more visually interesting than “perfect” pearls. Third, though a single 18-inch strand is perfect for most collars, you may want to invest in other lengths for different occasions. I found a good second strand on Amazon similar to my 60-inch strand.  It can be worn long with a knot in front or back for a flapper look, double stranded over tunics, quadruple stranded for a more glamorous effect or quadruple stranded and twisted for very dressy occasions.
   

   

   60-Inch Strand Variations

7. Take care of your feet. In your twenties, you are not likely to have money for good shoes. When I say good shoes, I mean sensible, one or two or three hundred dollar shoes. Plastic soles found at the cheapest shoe retailers are the worst thing in the world for your feet, so upgrade as soon as you can afford better. Make the purchase of fashionable, yet supportive and comfortable shoes a minor life goal. A good rule of thumb is that if you can make a car payment you should own at least one pair of good shoes. They will last for years and your feet will thank you for even longer. 
8. Finally, don’t overdo it. This was a mistake I made. In your zeal to dress like "an adult" remember that you are still in your twenties. There are casual settings where dressing young is appropriate, e.g. beaches, night clubs, campgrounds, tailgate parties, etc. You can still have fun with bright colors, funky getups and immodest designs. Absolutely wear a bikini at the beach, but not the grocery store and not to Instagram photos of yourself doing body shots.  No matter how overweight or body conscious you are, you will regret not showing it off now. Trust me on this. 

I’m sure I could go on, but I’ll end by saying that as a twenty-something you have a lot of leeway to dress young and make some miscalculations. Obviously no blazer is going to make your pajamas look polished, no amount of ironing is going to make having the word "Juicy" on your derierre sophisticated, and pearls will not make doing body shots look refined. That said, you don't have to be boring either. Experiment to find a happy medium.

Older people have unrealistically low expectations of you anyway, so you're bound to impress us by trying.  If you realize too late that you've defaulted to your doing-laundry-in-the-dorm outfit, start coughing so that everyone thinks you were so sick you were delirious when you dressed.  Likewise, if you realize that you've dressed exactly like your mom tell everyone that you have to meet her for lunch at the country club. Whatever you do, don't panic. Self-posession is the best thing you could possibly wear, and it's free.

#farmdiva